EXISTENTIAL GRIPE # 1

Immune to reason,
cleaned of any point,
each filament plucked,
all marrow sucked out,
meaning long gone.

The bone of living continues
after the corpse has vanished.

Hello my friends,

As you may know, there is a religious poem called Footprints, the authorship of which is under some dispute. For a fuller examination of this, please see here and here.

I had no idea of this when I had my dream last week. For the first time ever, I dreamt an entire poem. I rushed to the computer and wrote it down even as the words were fading from my mind like breath on a window in the winter time.

My poem differed from the other versions in being about the fictional television detective Thomas Magnum, aka Magnum PI.

I have considered Magnum PI to be a semi-deity for some years, although I would rather not discuss it. To me the idea of an omnipotent Magnum is as strong and powerful as anything one might find in Scientology.

I certainly meant no disrespect to all the writers who claim to be the original author of this poem. Something weird happened anyway, and here is the result.

Lep Loney


Hawaiian Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with Magnum PI.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to Magnum PI.


When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.


He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.


This really bothered him and he
questioned the Magnum PI about it:


"Magnum PI, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

Magnum PI replied:

"I could say this: During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you. But actually, I was bit tired of all your crap and often I just took off and had margaritas with Rick and TC at the King Kamehameha club.

I am not God, I’m just a great-looking guy with a cool car and a moustache. My advice, don’t be such a whiny, crybaby.”

Rocktober the 4th

October came forth with all sateity,
Ignoring the call for a newborn deity.
An unmade month to a faded king
An eight that is ten is an awkward thing

October the fourth enjoins our sobriety
Ignore it with zeal for the good of society,
A call to you world by all the seas girt
To put on this day, your finest Rock shirt.

Fung’s Kitchen

You are there at:
7320 S.W. FWY., Suite 115 Houston, TX
and your banquet is to die for:

Crabmeat Soup Asparagus
Crispy Duck Roll & Salt Toasted Squid
Walnut Scallop in Bird’s Nest
Sizzling Beef Steak
Chinese Fried Chicken
Snow Pea Leaves with Crabmeat Sauce
Orange Ribs
Seasonal Vegetable with Mushroom
Mango Pudding

Your offerings keep soul and body together.

Fung's Kitchen!
Fung's Kitchen!
Fung's Kitchen!

THE HOT DOG

Oh, hot dog, you repulse
me with your alleged meat!

The ineluctable greasyness,
that sheen of rancid oilyness
when you are fried at home.

The watery-pink nothingness
the lumpy tastless gristleness
when you are steamed away.

I will not sample your delights
Again, for they are as false
As a politician’s promise.

Good Night.

ONE WORD

"One Word" takes two words to write.
And seven words to write the last sentence.
And eight words to write the last sentence.
And eight words to write the last sentence.
And eight words to write the last sentence.

And seven words to finish this cycle.
What are them blurred lemons,man?

Plastic Surgery Network*

I read your persuasive blurb
on the the world wide web.

“Everybody has something about themselves
that they don’t like.
Whether it’s their profile, their body shape
Or their chest size.
Some people accept what they have
grudingly,
While others strive to be the best
person they can be.
If you will not accept,
looking second-best,
You might be the perfect person
for plastic surgery.”

Whenever I am in the state
of Washington,
Or perhaps just a state of
low self esteem.

I will call on you with
Your liposuction deal of
only $1999.

Plastic Surgery Network.

Plastic Surgery Network!
Plastic Surgery Network!

PLAS–TIC SUR-GER-REE NETT-WORK!!


*Please note that I am in no way affiliated with this business which is located on the continental United States. Plastic surgery should only be considered by people who want it, have the funds to afford it and perhaps are looking to be part of a television show like Extreme Makeover or I Want A Famous Face.